Blend my moral courage with my physical timidity.™
by Joshua on Nov.13, 2009, under Day by Day...
That’s right guys I’m back. Anyway I believe my previous entry attracted a lot of attention to me. I’m actually fine. Well, then again maybe not. I was definitely feeling low and down at that moment in time but I guess work has managed to get rid of all the shiet that I’ve been feeling. No, not all, just some.
I’ve been busy the past few days and I will still be, especially the upcoming month. I’m actually doing another Tv Drama in Dec while still doing my 180 episode drama Your Hand in Mine™, which is already airing. Seriously, I love loading myself with tons and tons of work so I can get away from the shiet that I’m feeling.
But like I’ve mentioned in the previous entry. I’m not the same as before. I don’t know why. I did something crazy(not wrong) recently and told Joe about it. The look of his face when he asked me if I’m sure. It didn’t make me think twice though. I thought I was sure, and I think I still am. I might not go ahead. Definitely not now. But maybe in the near future I guess, who knows?
I thought I truly existed. But moments just pass by your life like that. Sometimes I wonder, who/what is my justification of existence. Or rather, whose justification of existence actually needs me to complete it.
All I want, is to be given a meaning to my life that I have no right to expect, and that no one can ever take from me. You gave me life. Now show me how to live.
Sometimes I can’t even make out the words that come out of my mind.
November 13th, 2009 on 10:03 am
take care and jiayou..
pray, may help u to solve your struggles.
support u owes~
November 13th, 2009 on 10:23 am
Joshua, nice to know that you’re back. You mentioned that you love loading yourself with tons and tons of work so you can get away from the shiet that you’re feeling, but please don’t stress yourself. You also said you’re not the same as before, I’m not sure how different you are now, but I’m sure of one thing, you are still Joshua. It’s your choice to choose who you are and who you want to be.
Remember, no matter what you do, God, Jesus and I, will always be there for you.
All the best,
God bless you.
Rebecca
November 13th, 2009 on 10:28 am
stay strong,be happy(:
put everything aside,cause i believe
u are a cheerful guy (;
November 13th, 2009 on 10:30 am
Jer 29:11 (NIV) “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
though i do not know you, I’d pray that you’ll find the answers to your life, just as the one who has breathe life unto you had in his mind when he created you! he made you to be very special and i hope that you’ll find more joy and purpose in your life!
hope you’ll be able to find strength needed!
yipppeee!!
))))))
ALL THE BEST!!
November 13th, 2009 on 10:35 am
“Time for Miracles”
November 13th, 2009 on 10:52 am
Glad to hear from you again. Perhaps work will make you temporary forget the feeling you’re having, and time will make the feeling fade. Be strong. You still have us. Take good care of yourself.
November 13th, 2009 on 11:01 am
Hope your filming for the new show is successful!
November 13th, 2009 on 11:58 am
Cheer Up !!!
November 13th, 2009 on 12:18 pm
Cheer up , Josh
JAFC LOVES YOU NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS (:
And I will be waiting for your new show
OK byes
Loves(:
November 13th, 2009 on 12:35 pm
add oil!
November 13th, 2009 on 12:35 pm
why so emo? live life breathe air. that’s all you need.
November 13th, 2009 on 1:07 pm
Jia you jia you! U still hav us no matter wat! We are always here for u!! Always rmbr tt ok? =)
November 13th, 2009 on 1:53 pm
cheer up~~^^
November 13th, 2009 on 2:26 pm
dont worry, just be yourself, and do your best in everything. nobody will blame you for anything, for no one is perfect. he who is perfect isnt human. i believe you’re the best.
love you!
November 13th, 2009 on 2:53 pm
Hi joshua i maybe smaller than you but i advice you this….. if you ever forget words or make up words, you should try to move your fingers/hands
November 13th, 2009 on 3:01 pm
You might be stressed. Just relax. Don’t stress yourself and fall sick.
November 13th, 2009 on 3:03 pm
“Everything has been figured out, except how to live.” – Jean-Paul Sartre
In some ways, we will always look for a reason to live. We might find it in the unexpected places.
Goodluck with everything. ( ￣ｰ￣)ﾉ
November 13th, 2009 on 3:05 pm
I think I understand your feeling.Because I did feel unsure about the meaning of life.Although now I don’t clearly know it .Sometimes I think maybe it’s to love the one you love,to do the things you want to do well.It’s easy to know,but people think that it’s complex to do.
I’ve heard about that 20 years old is the most confused age of boys’ lives,like you.So don’t be so worried.The more you go through,the more you know about the meaning of your life.
Never give up your hope and take care of youself.Don’t get exhausted in your work.
November 13th, 2009 on 5:25 pm
hehe, first!
another drama? o:
haha, what’s the title of it? ^^
November 13th, 2009 on 7:20 pm
hey joshua(: you finally updated(: looks like you have been preety busy…whats th name of th drama your acting in? looking forward to that one too.
ps, dun neglect your health(:
November 13th, 2009 on 7:31 pm
船到桥头自然直.
November 13th, 2009 on 9:22 pm
Joshua, you want to know how to live. I think that you should ask God. He knows what is installed for you in the future. Please, don’t hurt yourself anymore, not spiritually of physically. I’m begging you. Please don’t make me feel so helpless, all I can do is read your blog and leave you comments which I’m not sure if you’ll read them since you receive many comments each day. What I want you to know is you have to use your life, the life God gave you to help others, and yourself, use it until he decides to take it away.
Joshua, I know I’m not in a position to ask anything from you, but I want to help you. I feel so helpless. Let me help you. At least you won’t be suffering alone.
Joshua, all the best.
Rebecca
November 13th, 2009 on 10:18 pm
Stay Strong.
November 14th, 2009 on 9:15 am
我不太会说安慰人的话，但还是希望你继续坚强，不要给自己太大的压力。偶尔放松一下。
November 14th, 2009 on 2:51 pm
Been praying for you. I’m reading your blog daily, so I can pray for you if there’s any updates. Please don’t stress yourself. Please don’t do anything silly. I’m really worried bout you. Is there anything I can do to help? At least it’s better than staring at the computer screen each day waiting for your reply…
Love you and all the best!
Rebecca
November 14th, 2009 on 7:07 pm
I’m so happy to hear that.^^
November 14th, 2009 on 7:43 pm
Read your blog again.I want to say,how do you know that nobody’s justification of existence actually needs you to complete it?What about your dad,your younger brother and your friends?If you really can’t think one,just have faith,you’ll find out one or more.If someone who love you and you love is gone, someone like her will come to your life soon.Anyway,everybody has his justification of existence.
November 14th, 2009 on 10:36 pm
Hmm..watever & watever..
No matter what happened, Life still goes on rite?
Try to get out from the bad mood soon..
Everytime when I was down or emoin..
I will try to do something that can make me feel better..
Last time, I liked to throw things (definitely no glass made goods)..just unfragile things like books and pillows..Yea..It did make me feel better..but after sometime, I started to feel annoyed..coz everytime after the throw, I still need to spend time on tidying..
Dunno since when, I changed..I started to try to calm down myself everytime whn I was in bad mood..
The way I’m using nw is at nite,I would stay in my bedroom..lying on beds..listening some soft musics..(try “Kenny G”)..den keep repeatin the song over n over again..go along with the same song and later fall into a deep sleep..
At the time when I wake up, it is already another brand new day..have a deep breathe..leave all the bad mood and keep going on..
There are ups n downs, countless happy n sad matters..but as we know life still goin on no matter what happened..so…y don’t just choose to live in a happy way… just forget all th past..and keep goin on..
Be stronger..Live a happy Life yea XD
November 15th, 2009 on 12:42 am
hey joshua,
i am not a religious person so i cannot quote lengthy passages from god. as someone who has been through a fair bit in life, i know how shitty things can get. sometimes, we just need to take things one step at a time and not be too hard on ourselves. the past can no longer come back and only exist in our minds as wonderful memories. now, you need to live your life in a way that maybe, you would look back at it ten years from now, and you can say, “yes, i didn’t have it easy, but i did the best i could.” if you can do that, you’d be ok. trust me.
November 15th, 2009 on 12:27 pm
Go for it yeah, Joshua ! You can do it ! And everybody believes it!
Waiting for your new show and also for you to appear in Your Hands in Mine too.
Loves,
Jovita!
Jiayou jiayou !
November 15th, 2009 on 3:27 pm
Hey Joshua , Jiayou uhs !
Tkcare and all the best :}
Withlove,
Keelllyys
November 15th, 2009 on 7:26 pm
Joshua, treat this as a challenge God gave you. Treat this as a way God wants to test your faith in him. At this moment, this obstacle course your in, stay strong in the Lord, keep your faith in him. He will guide you, and tell you what to do. Leave it all unto him.
All the best.
Love,
Rebecca
November 16th, 2009 on 6:40 am
Hi, Joshua, be brave and happy!
November 16th, 2009 on 10:22 am
hey, i understand how you feel, sometimes its just so empty that you no longer know how you feel, n the only thing is to be busy,to at least throw it aside, but at the end of the day, its still same overwhelming feeling..
i used to thought that its emptiness and meaningless in life that caused it, but i realised, its more to it.. more feelings that cant be explained to other people by words..
i m going to do something crazy(not wrong) too.. =)
November 16th, 2009 on 10:30 am
hahas…wats th title of yr new show? and….CHEER UP ! LOLS ! be happy,,kaes??:D
November 16th, 2009 on 1:54 pm
路漫漫其修远兮，吾将上下而求索！加油！
November 16th, 2009 on 8:08 pm
Hi , joshua . I’ll be acting in “Your Hand In Mine ” this coming saturday . Will you be there , too ?
If have , hope to see you ..
November 16th, 2009 on 9:20 pm
Joshua, take care of yourself. I’m worried. Please, i beg you, be alright. I’ll pray for you, day and night, but pray for yourself too. Support you always.
Dear Lord, please take care of Joshua. Help him overcome these obstacles in life. May You guide him, guard him and bless him. Help him stay strong in you, Lord. You are the only one who can help him now. I would like to ask for Your glory to work in him. Help him Lord, in Jesus’ name i pray, Amen.
Joshua, although you have no idea who I am, I still treat you as my friend. I’ll be with you all the way.
God bless.
love,
Rebecca
November 17th, 2009 on 12:45 am
曾经有一句话：休息是为了更长远的路，压力往往就是这条人生路的办到石，希望你能放松心情，当让也别忘了加把劲哦！永远支持你！~
November 17th, 2009 on 8:52 am
Cheer up =D
I’ll be waiting for your new show ,
红白喜事
Will that be at 9pm or 7pm ?
No matter what happens ,
JAFC will be there (:
Byes
LOVES !
November 17th, 2009 on 9:22 am
joshua.. i never thought that you’re an emo.. hehe.. just kidding.. cheer up! rebecca loves you.. hahaha..
November 17th, 2009 on 3:53 pm
Human born to be happy. love you. stay happy la wei =)
November 17th, 2009 on 7:05 pm
Im pretty puzzled with the (not wrong) that you used.
For anything that we decided to do, or had done it, we will never think that it’s wrong.
I used to like you a lot, ever since you appeared in I Not Stupid. But if you ask me now, I’ve got 2nd thought about you…
Feel that you’ve changed, like what you said.
BTW, saw some recent pictures of you in the net.. you look kinda bad. Like drug addict. You are an actor, please do take care of your image. For us who do not have a chance to get near you, those image is how we will judge you.
Good Luck.
November 17th, 2009 on 8:08 pm
Joshua, how are you now? Stop thinking of the past, look towards to future. For you, you have a very bright one. See what you have accomplished and what you will. You’re so talented, you should be grateful! Other people born in poor countries will be so jealous of you… It’s just a mountain you’re trying to climb, soon enough, you’ll reach the other side! Remember, it’s hard to climb, but you’ll learn alot along the way. Good luck!
Gob bless.
By the way, “casper”, i treat Joshua as a friend. That’s all! Okay?
Rebecca
November 17th, 2009 on 9:35 pm
你加油诶~
今天看到了你的报导~
就来找你的部落~
加油加油~
jb的报纸今天有报导到你~
不要想不开诶
November 17th, 2009 on 10:18 pm
I think i need a tann yvonne, i’ve been too busy at work that’s why i’m turning fair again
November 17th, 2009 on 11:23 pm
If you’re actually reading this..
Joshua, as you can see many people are really worried about you. C’mon! you have like.. hmm.. 46 comments for this post? Well, I think I don’t need to give you any more advices as people here already DID THEIR THANG.. And I personally do not like advices cause I never use them. Well, Maybe I don’t understand the life of being you, but whatever it is.. .. pray and you’ll receive, ask and you will get
November 17th, 2009 on 11:39 pm
@rebecca – chill! you know what.. please don’t try to hard.. he doesn’t notice you anyways.. you can flood him with your “words of wisdom”, your bible quotes, but see, the truth is.. he doesn’t see you.. i don’t think that he’s interested with anything that you’re saying anyways.. geez..
November 18th, 2009 on 11:38 am
Joshua, work is important, but how can you work if you’re sick? Take care of your own health. Don’t get too stressed out. A tan isn’t that important, it’s okay how fair you are, just don’t get sick.
Good luck and all the best.
Rebecca
November 18th, 2009 on 12:19 pm
第一次到访这里，一口气看了好多篇你的网志。
感觉得到你最近的心情，像是被乌云遮盖了一样；
照片里也很少见你的笑容。
或许是压力大了吧~ 就是这些杀不死的挫折，让我们更坚强。
加油吧！让工作淹没自己不是办法，希望你真的能开心起来。
客服困难，不要被困难克服！
好好照顾好自己的那一颗心，期待你的笑容出现在以后的照片里。
是真心的笑容哦，因为我们感觉得到 =)
November 18th, 2009 on 11:28 pm
加油加油~
压力真的会让人喘不过气来~
呼~自己要好好照顾自己
November 19th, 2009 on 1:15 am
by the way. Finally I’ve decide to actually READ your post. Sorry. Not a reading kindda person. But I am very interested when it comes to life and God. Well, You, are created for a reason, and it will come when it has to come. I have a friend’s friend whose really healthy but died the next day just by sleeping. Weird right? I know. But what I know is, he made BIG HUGE differences in many many ppl’s lives, he help the needy, the poor.. and sometimes you wonder why he died since he’s such a great person. But I say, God wants him to rest, he has done enough. He did what he is suppose to do. My point here is, God has his own plans, I know it’s difficult to accept the fact that he is the only one who knows our future and our every move, but thats the way it is. He knows whats best for all of us, the only thing you have to do is to trust him, for he loves you, he will never ever dissappoint you. Joshua, just pray, alright? (I know this is really emotional, but I kindda got used to the whole holy talking in church,….. whatever it is I’m here because I think you need help. But I can’t do much, you just have to trust the guy up there.)And sometimes, I do feel the same way as you do too. This is life.
November 19th, 2009 on 1:54 am
Ooo.. it sures helps to juz load yourself with work, work and more work. When the day ends, SLP! And wake up again..work work and work. Ppl may see u as ‘No Life’.. but y muz we always live under others’ judgement?
I guess, its kinda helpless yet curious to know our ownself has changed. Its like u’ve no identity, no recognition of urself. On a good note, i rather like to think that God is creating chance for us to ‘re-live’ again. U’ve experienced your past, see from it and recreate sth new..sth u’ve learnt along the way.
So interested to know wat exactly is that ‘sth crazy’! Haha.. but when too much ppl noes too much abt ur things, will your passion be flamed out? At least for me it will. =p U r a adult le… be free to do wat u want, beside, u’re still young =) Be it is a good or bad thing, at least u’ve sth to look forward to achieve or experienced. Life is all abt experiencing, right? Have doubts, talk to God. (Im not a Christian btw, but I believe HE is with us.)
With all these comments flooding your blog are the justification of your existence. Ur fans or strangers like me, care and bother to reply or visit ur blog for your updates, arent these justifiable? =) We often missed out little little things, don’t we? Dun pressure urself, just live for today-everyday. Pamper yourself =)
Kinda intersting right.. giving meaning to own life.. very broad thoughts. That might have to depend how u define giving meaning or does meaning refer to someone? lolx..juz joking.
Well, so much for this comment. Just live .. God has a plan for everyone. =)
November 19th, 2009 on 2:17 am
Omg.. God is responding. Its my Facebook msg of the day.. so much for my talking juz nw.. God had already summarized my grandmother story. Ok… i gotta face it.. im juz too LOOONNNNGGGG——-Wiiinnnddeeeddd lar.
” Happiness does not come from seeking new landscapes, but from having new eyes on the same life you’ve always been living.” =p
November 19th, 2009 on 3:26 am
Hi casper, I do take note of every comment that you guys leave and I’m really appreciative of Rebecca for her every word of encouragement. It’s just that I’ve been really busy at work and don’t have enough time to actually reply to all your comments. I hope you understand. ^^
November 20th, 2009 on 5:54 pm
Joshua, i never ever expect you to reply. I hope you won’t feel that I’m just trying to get your attention. I just want to help you, that’s all. Please don’t take it the wrong way.
God bless you.
Rebecca
December 1st, 2009 on 5:25 pm
Sorry for not saying nice things here. Because I want to be honest with you. I am so disappointed in you. Why? Because you are wallowing your self in self pity. Whats the point of being like this?
Making people worry sick for you? Why are you doing this? Huh? It makes you feel better? Because it doesn’t and you are fucking wrong. maybe you are trying to attract attention, I don’t know. But do you know how sad it must be to see you like that?
Maybe I don’t know you well, so you might be always like this in the first place. But please just take care of yourself. Being like this is foolish and silly. I hope you to get a grip on life. Don’t be like this anymore.
Maybe you will be angry reading this. But you have to understand my intentions are kind. I am not trying to be aunt agony here. But i hope you would take my advice.
I hope god bless you and may you be happy again.
Jasmine
January 25th, 2010 on 10:47 pm
i really admire how truthful you are about your life and how much you think about the meaning of life. Being an artiste, it must have not been easy on you juggling real and reel life but you did it thus far, kudos to you josh! No matter how down in the dumps you feel, know that there’ll always be those who will always be there and support you. Though i may just be a random stranger commenting such heavy words, i have felt what you feel, and it sure is not easy living with it, that feeling that eats you from inside. But you can do it! Jiayou! All the best for everything you do!
April 5th, 2010 on 9:17 am
ILOVE JOSHUAAA!
stay cheerful! *wink.
work hard for everything you do!
if not next time will regret de. must not have a regret feeling in life ya! cos it really sucks.
Jiayous!@