Joshua Ang | Joshua Ang, a Singapore MediaCorp Artist

When I heard the news today,  I closed my eyes and began to pray. Oh how quickly, he can take a life and hold it back into his hands. Oh how quickly, he can actually make lives turn around in an instant.

I took a deep breathe, and told him to let me be the man I have to be. To show love, to show everything, before it feels like for ever.

Rest in peace my dear friend.

Sometimes when I drive, I know where the next road leads me to. Sometimes I just spin around in circles, and find a road to nowhere. Sometimes I tell myself I still believe. I still believe that there’s something left for me. Sometimes I lose my mind second guessing every thought. That something inside is already gone.

Sometimes I try to save myself, but it seems that I’ll just lose you. Sometimes when I try to reach for you, it just seems that there’s no one to hold on to.

I went to see my mom today. Because I know she’s the only one who’ll still wrap her hands around me when all else fails for me. Then it hit me. Who else would?

Sometimes I think I’ve seen my fair share of life’s up and down, or how quickly life can actually turn around in an instant. I guess it’s just a judgement on us all.

Sometimes I wish I was a Daffodil that never bloomed.

There was once this sweet little boy, so innocent, so sweet and pure. His eyes were always open, always sure, and everyone could just look right in. People followed closely to his gaze, as he looked up towards the sky. But he watched their faces drift away when other things caught their eyes.

He dreamt of sharing his heart. He dreamt of baring his soul. But now, his heart just beats empty and cold. And with all the tears that he had shed, his soul is now just a colour of his sins.

It was a battle, of his sins and death. A war waged by himself to play himself out. But now he stands with a hangdog heart, condemned.

On a sinking boat that’s pointed home.

That’s where he is.

All I can say, was I knew him back then. When he was beautiful, before.

Hello Goodbye, I missed you.

In my eyes, in disposed. In disguise: as no one knows. Hides the face, from the sun. My disgrace, you embrace.

And in my youth, which I pray to keep. Tired friend, it’s a walking sleep.

Call my name, sing to me. Like no one else, would ever again.

Times are gone, for honest men.

Till you all just, disappear.

Long and weary my road has been. No sorrow, no pity for leaving I feel. Cos the million of miles under my heels, still makes me too close to you.

You as in Mr Koh Chin Eng.

I wonder if it’s even making sense at all.

Thank you, and I’m sorry.

There’s a time when a man needs to fight, and a time when he needs to accept that his destiny is lost. That the ship has sailed and only a fool would continue. Truth is, I’ve always been that fool.1073

And today, it’s 1002. 71 days later. And now, I’m gonna find that out if it’s really true.

They say it’s like a party. Join in after it has started and leave before it finishes.

Maybe.

Life, a long journey for most people. Or a short drive for some. Why worry? Since you’re not gonna survive it anyway.

Today while I was on my way to church, I realized something. That I’ve been looking through the rear view mirror way too much towards my journey to the end.

But I’ve decided, as of today 1017. I’ll only be looking through the windshield. Rear view mirror’s only for safety checks.

My pact with Hades. I figured it was my entire life that flashed before me. Though I couldn’t exactly make out or remember anything. Was it worth watching? I don’t know.

However hard I try to forget the rear view mirror. My entire life is still gonna flash through my eyes and mind again. At least one more time. Worth watching or not? Does it really matter?

At least I knew and got disappointed. Rather than not know a thing and always wondered.

Can’t go back now to make a new start. But I guess I can still start now to make my new ending. Figured I rather squander my precious Life on people who loves me instead, much.

Goodbye 1017.

Hello netizens. No biggie about my blog entry title. It was just some bad dream I had which is still lingering in my head. But then again, it might not exactly be something bad. Sometimes certain thoughts and dreams leave me thinking a little too much as usual.

It’s been 3 days since the wrap of  红白喜事, which I suppose will be airing in April on Channel 8. Honestly speaking, it’s been wonderful working with the casts and crew. It was actually quite fun working with Elvin and Jeanette for the first time. And thanks guys, for my birthday dinner we had. Hehehe.

Maybe it was my character in the drama or maybe it was my co workers around me. But I really felt happy during the entire 3 months of filming.  Thanks for putting up with my nonsense, and all the concern for me Elvin. And thank you 大姐 for all the love and care you showed to me. I loved working with you guys!

Still no break for me though. Everyone around me seems to be going on holiday trips except me. Even Joe is leaving on the 10th for a week’s trip to Taiwan. Tsk, fancy leaving me home alone with my pope. I really should go on a trip as well. And as soon as possible.

Anyway, thank you everyone for all the birthday well wishes. I’ll try to post up some pictures if I can get my hands on any.

Have a little captain in yourself Joshua. Goodnight.

Dear Life,

You were awesome today. Much. In fact, it was so amazing that I really thought I was beyond reach of God’s grace. It’s pretty awkward getting back to your usual effed self, and allowing me to smash stuffs thinking it’d make me feel better you know? Often, I do puzzle myself  at why you tease me so mercifully.

But to a special sister of mine. Maybe you didn’t realize how much you said meant to me today. Thank you, for being more than a friend. Thank you, for asking and caring about me. And I thank you again, for sharing with me. Because you didn’t have to, but I’m really glad you did, so I could feel real comfort.

And thus, I dedicate my 1043 to you.

Life is most beautiful when it’s back is turned against you, with the right people around™ 1043.

Happy Hedgie is happy now ^^

Hello peeps! Guess it’s prime time for me to update my blog and tell you guys a lil’ about what I’m doing since I’m on OFF tomorrow. Right, it’s been some time since I even had time for myself or even come online to blog. Work has been pretty hectic for me lately since I’m involved in 2 dramas. Work was as usual on the 1st of Jan. But honestly, falling sick at that day of the year really makes a bad start. I had to go to a clinic to get a jab and drag myself to work after that. How comforting is that?

That’s besides the case. 14th Jan, another dreadful day that’s coming. Why so? Cos it’s Ippt. Good Luck Joshua, you gonna need that, bad. I don’t actually see myself heading down for RT cause I don’t think I should fail Ippt. But we’ll see how unlucky I get. Or should I say how unfit I’ve become. >.<

And I’ve been figuring out how to eat a pomergranate ever since my pope brought back a basketful of em. Honestly, getting the juice is a hell load easier for lazy piggu like me.

I’m gonna be signing off from here. Gotta go for a run early tmr. Or in case I have work. Like last min. Hella last min.

Hello 2010. Please make me smile this year.

-

I finally caught Avatar, in 3D!! And I did some shopping today. Window shopping to be exact. Anyway, thank you benny for accompanying me heh